Ted’s Restaurant and Bar

An early Saturday start.  You feel like hammered shit.  Some stranger who smells like perfume and old beer lies next to you naked.  Your TV is smashed and someone decorated the room with your dirty undergarments.  You could sort your shit out.  You could try to retrace what happened last night.  You could clean.  You could take a shower.  You could check your fucking email.

No, what you will do is rally.  You will stumble down to Ted’s, dragging your sweatpants, body oder and dignity with you.  Order a beer and giant grinder.  Lay siege to that hangover.  You’ve had worse.

A tiny hut, tucked directly between the grandeur of UConn’s main campus and the wild orgy of blood, beer and desperation that is ‘Mansfield’.  Ted’s is not a “hotspot of nightlife,” as their Twatter claims.  Nor is it a place to prowl for loud, drunk, women with absentee fathers.  This is an outpost. A forward operating base for your Saturday night. A last line of civilization before the uncharted tundra.  A place to rally the troops, give your final toasts, and jump feet-first into the breach once more.

Solid food, solid beers.  Understated, classic college-pub atmosphere.  We could write much more, but Ted’s is simple just like this review.

Tisane Euro Asian Cafe

 

Let’s get this out the way, Tisane’s has the reputation of being the IT gay bar in Hartford but before you say “nah brah, that’s not the place for me” keep on reading. Tisane’s is a dark, cozy bar that isn’t a club.  If you come here looking for Top 40 hits to be preformed by anyone but the plastered patrons, you’ve made a mistake.

At first, we had the same ingrained misconceptions as many people do about what a “gay bar” is.  No, you’re not going to see young girls in body dresses constantly grabbing at the sides and pulling them down in a desperate attempt to hide their cooters.  That’s a good thing.  You also won’t see half-dressed gay chaps either.  Usually.  You might see lesbian war queens locked in heated arguments or full-on fisticuffs. Bottom line—the gays like their Jack just like the straights. Makes them more than good in our book.

As soon as you walk in, you get a warn feel from the place.  Maybe it’s the color scheme maybe it’s the three or four drinks you had previously.  No one could possibly know.  You are greeted with a smile from the diverse and friendly staff. Tisane’s staff doesn’t suck as much as most waitstaffs.  Yes, most of you are terrible.  These chaps, lasses, and whatever old-timey word for transgenders will make you feel welcome.  We guarantee that one of them is a CBG  (Certified Brazilian Goddess—Read the side note at the bottom). Their Jack and coke making skills are impeccable with the perfect ratio of jack (always double), coke, ice and a perfectly sliced lime. Let’s be honest here, we all hate bars the skimp on the actual liquor and we are happy to say that Tisane’s does not.  It was one such CBG that mixed us some fine amber cocktails.  Tall glasses, plenty of the Jack, and triangle cut lines.  Long-cut is garbage, plain and simple.  I don’t want to get lime juice all over my fingers when I try and spritz my J&C.  With long-cut limes, this is impossible to avoid.  Instead, we avoid places that cut their limes like assholes.  Problem solved.

Alright, so now that were done raving about Tisanes let’s talk about the negatives.  Quite simply, the place is too popular.  Not too small, just that too many people like it.  Comfortable to stop in for drinks on off-days,Tisanes but if you plan on going there during peak times on weekends, expect awkward crowd situations.  Bumping into tables, waitstaff, other patrons, while standing conspicuously in the middle of the entire bar.  It makes you feel a bit naked.  Maybe that’s the point.  Maybe I don’t mind.
It didn’t take us long to like this place and we have a feeling that you will love it too We wanted to give you more details about how their bathrooms smell better then most bars you’ve visited, or how one of us hasn’t had the balls to ask the Brazilian Goddess on a date but unfortunately there is only so much time in the day. Go and check the place and let them know who sent you.

Side note: Let’s talk about the Beautiful Brazilian Goddess that bartends there. If John Donne drank and entire gallon of Jack Daniels and spent the next ten years writing about her beauty he could not find the words to adequately describe her (So were definitely not going to try). All we have to say is… Please tip well.